Quotes from the 73-year-old woman who sits in the back of [someone's] ethics class and knits during lectures

6/4/25

“Sweetheart, if they text you after 11 p.m., it’s not ethics. It’s hormones.”

“I didn’t come here to get a degree. I came here to see what the youth are stressed about and bring snacks accordingly.”

“He ghosted you? Oh honey. Block him and light a candle. For yourself.”

“I once survived a cheating husband, a power outage, and disco. You can survive this exam.”

“You don’t need closure. You need carbs and a nap.”

“She said she’s ‘not ready for a relationship’? That’s code for she doesn’t want you, sugar. Take the L with grace.”

“I’ve been knitting a scarf while you all unravel emotionally. Poetic, isn’t it?”

“He’s cute, but does he ask follow-up questions? No? Then he’s decorative.”

“Professor, I respectfully disagree, and I brought a bibliography.”

“You’ll be fine. The world is messy, but so is banana bread — and everyone loves that.”